Sunflower Lessons on Detachment

The Unexpected Self-Care Gifts Hidden in My Garden

Sunflowers play a significant role in my life. We have a stunning 7-foot painting of sunflowers in our living room, and people say I’m like those sunflowers - bright, vibrant, and always looking on the bright side.

This summer, my husband planted some sunflowers in our yard, and their journey through the season has taught me profound lessons about detaching and letting go.

A Brief Preface About Attachment

To put it briefly and bluntly, attachment is the root of all suffering. Being attached to the thoughts and stories our minds make up results in so much anguish and pain. Therefore, part of the human experience is to learn to detach from those made-up thoughts and beliefs so that we can thrive, no matter what’s happening.

Detaching Lesson #1

The sunflower seeds got planted in a box in our yard in the spring. We didn’t start them inside (they were kind of an afterthought), and because our growing season is pretty short, it took a long time to see the sunflower shoots come up.

Once they made an appearance, though, the stalks grew quite quickly, and they provided some lovely shade on the hottest summer days.

I thought that the plants would flower in the summer, but there was no sign of flower buds for the longest time. Then, one day, one of the tallest stalks got a flower bud (or whatever the technical term for that is). Because fall was fast approaching, I wondered if we would even get sunflowers in our yard.

Each day, I checked the progress of the potential flower. It seemed to be taking so long! (Hello Divine Timing.) Then a neighbouring stalk also started to pre-blossom, and I got excited. We had the potential of two sunflowers!

A few days later, I glanced out the window to check on their progress and was dismayed to see that the two tallest stalks were broken. The long stems were now lying on the grass. Upon further investigation, I realized that the flower buds were gone. Something had eaten them!

How rude.

We watched our backyard for a few days and discovered the culprit. A squirrel. My husband actually witnessed the little rodent jump up to a third stalk that had grown a flower bud, pull it down with its theiving claws, break the stem, and then proceed to eat the centre.

I felt disappointed that the flowers didn’t reach their ultimate potential. I was angry at the squirrel (which seems like a complete waste of energy upon retrospect). I also noticed feeling dismayed and sad.

It was then that I discovered I had an attachment - to sunflowers of all things!

I was attached to the notion that because we had planted sunflower seeds in our garden, we would have sunflowers. It seems simple and subtle, but it was an attachment nonetheless.

It never occurred to me that the sunflowers would become squirrel food. Once I let go of things turning out how I had anticipated, I felt better. Squirrels deserve to eat (I guess), and so I commended that industrious little fellow on figuring out how to score what I imagine was a delectable meal.

Detaching Lesson #2

There were other stalks that grew, and by mid-September, lo and behold, one of the sunflowers actually bloomed. Maybe the squirrel got what he needed because we had a survivor! I was very excited.

And then, the stalk broke. I don’t know if it was the squirrel, but it seemed like this flower’s glory was going to be short-lived. Again, I felt sad. I had anticipated many days of enjoying the flower-that-made-it, but discovered another attachment - that the flower should live a long time.

I released that attachment because who am I to dictate how long a life lasts? Since I’m not Master-of-the-Universe, I don’t get to decide. What a relief. I have enough on my plate without dictating life cycles.

What’s interesting is that when we let go of an attachment, number 1, we feel better because we have internal peace and, number 2, often the external situation changes because there’s no longer energetic tension.

What changed in this case was that my husband rescued the flower with the broken stem and put it in a vase. We got to enjoy that gorgeous bit of nature on our table for weeks. It wasn’t in the garden, as I had imagined, but it was just as good.

Detaching Lesson #3

During this time, another stalk showed the promise of a bloom. I’d learned to have no expectations by this point, so I simply observed its progress. On the calendar, summer was over, but, of course, the plant didn’t care about that. And so it bloomed!

Thanks to the absence of attachment, I was able to enjoy this new sunflower even more. And then, a miracle happened. Another flowerhead bloomed on the same stalk! Two happy sunflower faces on one plant. It’s still going strong mid-October, and it’s brought me so much joy.

You’ll even notice a third flower bud in this photo:

Detaching Lesson #4

Now, there’s one more spindly stem with a bud. I was surprised to see it emerge so late in the season. The previously-attached version of me would have really wanted that flower to bloom, too, but this older, wiser version of me is just staying neutral about the whole thing.

If it manages to bloom before the cold sets in, great. If not, I can actually enjoy the flower bud as is, without it needing to become something else. I can honour and appreciate it now - not just when it becomes something that my mind thinks it should be.

Again, what a relief. I feel like these sunflowers gave me so much more than visual beauty. They gifted me with multiple opportunities to discover attachments that I didn’t know I had. Of course, they were not just sunflower growth attachments. These lessons will ripple out into other areas of life as well.

The Lessons Synthesized

1- Attachment causes suffering

2- When we feel unhappy, it’s helpful to get curious about what attachment is there

3- Once you discover the attachment, invite yourself to let it go

4- We often get attached to how things should have turned out

5- When we detach, we experience inner peace and a decrease in energetic tension

6- When things change on the inside, the outer world often follows suit (but whether it does or not, it doesn’t matter because we already have peace instead of suffering)

7- Once an attachment is released, we become more present to the gifts, growth, and opportunities in the situation

8- Moving from attachment to grand neutrality is an important aspect of Courageous Self-Care

Expectancy vs Expectation

There’s one more idea to cover, and that’s expectation vs expectancy.

Expectation is what we have when there’s an attachment. When we expect things to go as we planned, or turn out as we thought they would, we suffer. Expectation feels heavy and tight.

Expectancy is different. It’s lighter because it’s about trusting that no matter what happens, we will ultimately be okay. We’re here to grow and expand, not to control everything so that it turns out the way we want.

Expectancy has a hopeful, optimistic quality about it. The sunflowers helped me shift from expectation (having a row of sunflowers in our garden) to expectancy (so many more outcomes than I could have imagined: feeding wildlife, decorating our indoors, two blooms on one stalk, and even enjoying buds that didn’t flower).

Who knew all that learning would emerge when those seeds were planted?

If we’re open to looking for it, the miracle of life has so much to teach us.

This week, may you experience the deep peace of letting go so that you can receive more than you ever could have imagined.

With sunny love and rooted courage,

Christina

🕺🏻Creator of Courageous Self-Care

🕺🏻Currently observing the sunflowers collecting a blanket of snowflakes - another beautiful scene I couldn’t have imagined

🕺🏻In a bit of website chaos and feeling the discomfort of surrendering control while maintaining a grand neutrality about the whole process

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